Memphis (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} fuchsiafalling) wrote,@ 2006-09-28 13:16:00 |
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i do this every time. some minor upset leads me into sugar consumption, back down into a bad diet. i quit eating well. i have cereal for breakfast. wheat wheat wheat. way too much dairy, which i KNOW i am allergic to. i drink too much, i quit taking my supplements. i get really angry and self-pitying about being sick instead of doing things to minimize its impact.
i know a healthy diet is expensive and time consuming. i have made it clear to myself that i am NEVER going to get my ass in gear to actually go to dhs to apply for food stamps, so i am going to take my therapist's advice and just mail in the damn application. sheesh. i am so balky sometimes.
and the thing is, i CRAVE healthy food. i want greens ALL the time.i want sweet potatoes and fish and chicken and whole grains and nuts and dried fruits instead of sugar.
i just hate washing dishes. i hate cleaning up after my roommate when HE doesnt wash dishes or when it is not my turn to unload the dishwasher. THAT is exactly when i slip back into my pattern of having cereal.
so, i am going to talk to spider and ask him to PLEASE not let me have sugar or ice cream or to eat it around me as i have zero willpower when i first go back on my diet. i'll try to cook more at spider's, since he helps me clean up.
even when i am dead broke i always have garlic and sweet potatoes and onions and quinoa and nuts around.
also i need to figure things out with tom. i know i am not ready to move in with spider yet, as much as i wish i could, since i know he'd take such good care of me. i have to have my own space and not get too dependent on someone else to take care of me. because what if he stops and i am screwed.
i get scared of how little money i make, how much my bills are. i want things to be easier, i want to have money to go to the chiropracter and massage therapist.
i need to go home and walk sam and love on my cat now. it's just so cozy over here with the laptop and bishop in a puppy ball snoring next to me.
i know a healthy diet is expensive and time consuming. i have made it clear to myself that i am NEVER going to get my ass in gear to actually go to dhs to apply for food stamps, so i am going to take my therapist's advice and just mail in the damn application. sheesh. i am so balky sometimes.
and the thing is, i CRAVE healthy food. i want greens ALL the time.i want sweet potatoes and fish and chicken and whole grains and nuts and dried fruits instead of sugar.
i just hate washing dishes. i hate cleaning up after my roommate when HE doesnt wash dishes or when it is not my turn to unload the dishwasher. THAT is exactly when i slip back into my pattern of having cereal.
so, i am going to talk to spider and ask him to PLEASE not let me have sugar or ice cream or to eat it around me as i have zero willpower when i first go back on my diet. i'll try to cook more at spider's, since he helps me clean up.
even when i am dead broke i always have garlic and sweet potatoes and onions and quinoa and nuts around.
also i need to figure things out with tom. i know i am not ready to move in with spider yet, as much as i wish i could, since i know he'd take such good care of me. i have to have my own space and not get too dependent on someone else to take care of me. because what if he stops and i am screwed.
i get scared of how little money i make, how much my bills are. i want things to be easier, i want to have money to go to the chiropracter and massage therapist.
i need to go home and walk sam and love on my cat now. it's just so cozy over here with the laptop and bishop in a puppy ball snoring next to me.
